


A very new sensation

by ThatFanwriter2424



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Adventurer Essek, Essek doesnt know what feelings are, First Kiss, Gay Wizards pining, M/M, Shadowgast
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 04:13:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29362308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatFanwriter2424/pseuds/ThatFanwriter2424
Summary: The ETFC discord server was talking about First Kiss scenarios,,, and I was like 'yeah! that'll be my first ever fic!'The title is a reference to when Essek said 'Regret is a very new sensation'.(Notes on end of fic!)
Relationships: Essek Thelyss & Caleb Widogast, Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 5
Kudos: 94





	A very new sensation

It has been a week since the Mighty Nein returned to Eiselcross from gathering allies, and for the past five days, they have been traveling through the ruins. Essek does not recognize any of the allies, except for the woman mage called Allura Vysoren, who was the one to convince the Bright Queen to stop the attack on Rexxentrum. Apparently, she has a wife, Kima, who is a bit more… Outgoing. Her and Jester form an interesting, very loud duo.

The journey is very interesting. Essek hasn’t really been an ‘adventurer’ before, and he quickly realizes that it is very different from his usual lifestyle.   
The meals aren’t luxurious, and they walk a lot, but luckily the sleeping arrangement is quite nice. Every day Caleb casts the mansion, for which everyone is very thankful. Everyone has their own rooms, which were designed by Caleb.

Essek hasn’t seen any of the bedchambers except for his own, but he doesn’t really care; there is comfort, and he is thankful enough that the Mighty Nein trust him enough to let him go on this journey with them. He did laugh at the choice of books in his chamber, and wondered if the same books are in everyone else’s rooms.

The second night he had cast comprehend languages to read the book with the cat in the top hat, and smiled throughout the entire book.

Today, sadly, is a towerless day. They ran into 10 frost giant zombies, and Caleb used a spell of his own making, which seemingly robbed him from the energy he needed to cast the dome. He initially felt guilty for not having the ability to make the tower, but the rest of the group assured him that it was fine, and that they’d just sleep in the dome.

Allura is also familiar with this spell, so there are two domes, which makes for enough space to house the Nein and their guests. The only problem with the domes is the fact that they need to keep watch. Essek, only having to sleep for four hours, offered to keep watch for the last two timeslots.

After Jester woke him up for his watch, he thanked her, and silently floated over to not disturb or wake anyone. After getting settled at the spot they made in the dome, he starts to think about everything. Everything that had happened in the past few months of his life, but especially regarding the Mighty Nein.

After about two hours of sitting alone, he feels something brush up against his arm and pulls away instinctively. When he looks, he realizes that it was Frumpkin.

_Huh, he’s normally asleep when Caleb is. Weird._

Essek pats his lap, as if to say ‘come sit here’, and Frumpkin obliges. He hops into his lap, curls into an adorable little ball and starts purring. Essek calmly pets him, while looking over at Caleb, who seemed to still be asleep.

He picks up Frumpkin, and looks him in his brilliant blue eyes.

“Aren’t you just the cutest? You even have Caleb’s eye color,” Essek says with a soft smile on his face. “that’s a fun attention to detail. Your master is really one of the smartest people I know.” His face hardens a bit, biting the inside of his cheek. “I really regret messing up. I wish I could talk to him without breaking eye contact every two seconds. The past days have been… how do I say? Awkward? I suppose?”, he sighs. “Not that you’d understand, you’re just a cat.”

Frumpkin ‘mrrpt’-s at that remark, as if offended by that comment, and Essek responds with a soft laugh.

He gives the cat a silent kiss on the forehead, and sets him back down. He hears someone stir behind him, and turns around to see Caleb, sitting on his bedroll.

“Oh, goodmorning Caleb?”, Essek asks hesitantly. It isn’t really like him to wake up early, so this is a bit weird. He looks at Frumpkin in his lap, and notices that his eyes are yellow.

“Oh.” _Shit_.

Caleb carefully climbs over his friends to take a place next to Essek, and they sit awkwardly in silence for a while.

“You were right.” Essek whispers. Caleb turns his head to look at Essek, but Essek isn’t looking back at him, he’s just staring at the ground.

“About what?”

“What you said on the boat,” was the response, “about these people being able to change me. You- All of you changed me. I meant it when I said that our paths crossing has shaken me to the core.” Essek sighed, and finally looked Caleb in the eye. “You told me to ‘do something, and leave it better than before’, and I hope that I can. When you said that to me, I was shaken. Do you remember what I said after that?”

Caleb taps his temple, “I have quite the excellent brain, so yes. Which part do you mean? The ‘not being part of the plan’, or the ‘not caring about anyone else’?”

Essek replies, after breaking eye contact again, “Both, but mostly the second one. I really meant that, you know that, right?” Tears start welling in his eyes. _Fuck_. “Everyone always had high expectations of me. I didn’t care about anyone and no one cared about me. And that was fine, life was alright. Until you and your group came along,” he continued, with another attempt at making eye contact, “and you all stirred unknown feelings into the mix. Whenever you were there, I felt happier than when you weren’t. And when you left again, I felt empty and lonely. I felt myself looking forward to seeing you all again.”  
Essek lets out a shuddering sigh while blinking the tears from his eyes. He still feels one fall down his face, and quickly looks away so Caleb doesn’t notice.

Too bad that Caleb is pretty perceptive.

While he’s keeping his eyes shut, he hears Caleb shuffle closer.

After quickly using his sleeve to wipe his eyes, he looks up again, only to see Caleb having moved closer to him. Caleb slowly puts his one hand on Essek’s hand, giving him enough time to pull away. He doesn’t.

“Breathe.”

Essek takes a deep breath. Just like at the Vurmas outpost.

Caleb slowly lifts his other hand, to cup Essek’s face once again, and once again, Essek does not pull away.

“I know you said it takes time. I know.” _There the tears come again, why. Why now._ “But I cannot help but blame myself. Whenever I am around you I feel anxious.”, he says, while breaking eye contact again. ”I am so full of regret and of shame for the things that I have done. Around the rest of the Nein it has become less over the past few days, but with you? It sort of feels like it has just become worse.”

Tears start rolling down Essek’s face, this time more than one. “I know that you have noticed, you are a smart man after all. I honestly don’t know why I feel this way or how to make it stop. All I know is that I want it to stop. I know I deserve to feel guilty, but the feelings deep inside my stomach are new. I don’t even know why I’m telling you this, I just sound like a fool.”

When Caleb doesn’t immediately respond, Essek looks up again, just to see Caleb’s face flushed red. He gives him a questioning look.

“Oh Essek, as smart as you are, you can really be stupid.” Caleb replies while shaking his head with a soft smile. “Would you allow me to try something, to see if it affects those feelings?”

Even though it’s pretty dark, the blushing on Caleb’s face is very obvious. Essek just nods. Everything feels like it’s going slower than usual, which isn’t that weird for a Dunamancy wizard, except for the fact that he’s not the one causing it, which is a little bit anxiety inducing. Caleb moves the hand on Essek’s cheek to the back of his head, and slowly moves his face towards Essek’s.

At that moment Essek realizes what Caleb’s plan is. _Oh_. Caleb moves in a way that is careful, and in a way where Essek could easily move away. For the third time, he does not. Instead he just closes his eyes slightly.

Caleb very slowly and lightly touches his lips to Essek’s, and so many thoughts are racing through Essek’s head, while none are formulating in a comprehensive way. Essek kisses him back very lightly, being very aware of his own fangs and not wanting to hurt Caleb. When Caleb pulls back, Essek subconsciously follows after him. _No, don’t let it stop, please_. When he opens his eyes, he sees a Caleb with dilated pupils looking at him, looking a bit worried.

“Was that okay?”

“I think it cleared up some of my thoughts, yes.”

The silence is deafening.

“Can you do it again? If you don-”

Before Essek can finish his sentence, Caleb’s lips are on his again.

And it feels like heaven. The feeling he usually experiences around Caleb is multiplied by 500, but it’s more pleasant now. It feels welcoming and intoxicating in a way that he never wants it to stop. Hungrily, Essek kisses back, with the hope that this feeling wont leave.

Caleb’s lips are more chapped than his own, and he smells like old firewood, but that is part of what makes it so great. The fact that it is him.

He thinks of the study sessions they’ve had, where one of them might have sat a bit too close to the other, where hands brushed over each other’s without pulling away. The smell of paper and ink, which is very prominent on Caleb’s person.

He moves his hand up to Caleb’s face, to cup his cheek, to feel even closer to him than he already is.

Then he thinks of the kiss that Caleb had pressed to his forehead, and the feeling that had given him. He knows it now, he understands. It was the feeling of wanting more.

Caleb softly bites on Essek’s lower lip, startling him slightly, but he responds by opening his mouth a bit, so Caleb’s tongue can explore. The taste of charcoal and fire intensifies, but Essek doesn’t mind. Caleb is cautious and careful, softly grazing past the razor-sharp fangs.

When Caleb pulls away after what feels like forever, yet not long enough, Essek slowly opens his eyes, and looks directly into Caleb’s brilliant, beautiful blue eyes. Both of them have a soft, yet big grin on their face.

“That was,,, wow.” Essek muttered.

This caused Caleb to laugh silently, “not a bad ‘wow’, I hope?”

Essek can feel the blush intensifing even more on his face. “N-no, not at all. Just, a lot. That’s all.”

Caleb nods. “We really should talk about this, but not right now.”, he says in a bit of a hushed voice. ”The rest can wake up at any second, and I think I’d prefer to keep it on the down low, at least for a little bit. I think Jester would be unbearable if she knew.” He ends the sentence with a wink, which makes Essek smile.

“By the light, Caleb Widogast, you continue to make my life more complicated.”

**Author's Note:**

> Caleb cast his Web of Fire at 7th level! That’s why he couldn’t do the tower :)


End file.
